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Janine Miller

Am I avoidant or just overwhelmed? Exploring attachment styles, stress, and fatigue

When life feels overwhelming, it’s natural to wonder if you're withdrawing emotionally because of avoidant attachment or simply because you're stressed and fatigued. Both experiences can look similar on the surface, but understanding the differences can help you figure out what’s really going on.


What is avoidant attachment?


Avoidant attachment is a style that often develops in childhood due to inconsistent or emotionally unavailable caregiving. People with avoidant attachment tend to distance themselves emotionally from others, struggle with vulnerability, and avoid relying on anyone but themselves.


Stress, overwhelm, and fatigue


On the other hand, stress and fatigue can lead to emotional withdrawal as a response to feeling overloaded. When you’re overwhelmed, you may pull away not because you fear intimacy, but because you simply don’t have the energy for it.


Signs you might be overwhelmed, not avoidant


  1. Physical exhaustion vs. emotional withdrawal

    Avoidant attachment typically involves a consistent emotional distancing in relationships, whereas stress-based withdrawal is often driven by physical or mental exhaustion.


  2. Situational withdrawal vs. consistent disconnection

    If you tend to withdraw during particularly stressful periods, it may be a sign of overwhelm rather than a deeper attachment issue. Avoidant attachment often shows up as a long-term pattern in multiple relationships, not just during difficult times.


  3. Boundaries vs. fear of closeness

    Setting boundaries when you’re overwhelmed is a way to protect your energy. This differs from avoidant attachment, where the fear of emotional intimacy causes people to consistently distance themselves from others.


What to do next


If you find yourself withdrawing mainly during stressful periods, it’s a sign that you might just need rest and time to recharge. However, if emotional distancing is a constant in your relationships, it may be worth exploring attachment patterns further.


Understanding whether you’re avoidant or simply overwhelmed can help you better navigate relationships and self-care. Recognising when to rest and when to engage is key to balancing emotional health and maintaining healthy connections.


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